Monasteries, churches, temples and other sacred places in my life

When I was about 11-12 I thought it would be right for me to go into convent later on. I don't remember my reasons. I guess I wasn't a child when I was supposed to be one. I was a little adult, way too serious and thoughtful. (And I tried being a child when I was in my early twenties =) ) At the same age of 11-12 and throughout all my adolescence, I would, from time to time, not very often, but regularly, go back to one thought and relish it. That thought was to give the world some time without ailments, illnesses and diseases, sorrows and other types of physical and psycholigical discomfort by sacrificing myself, by letting aaall types of discomfort come and concentrate in my body instead of spreading around the world; like being a second Jesus. When several years ago I came to understand the power of thought I was scared! Oh my, I'd had so many destructive thoughts in my baggage, but I think they won't affect me if I don't return to them consistently again.

There's no religion on Earth now, that I'm aware of, whose convent I would go into now. But the idea of real aid in boosting one's spiritual evolution by forsaking the vanities of the world, leaving the mundane and becoming a hermit rests somewhere deep in my mind and sometimes comes up to the surface. On the other hand, the world is constantly changing and maybe what was good for Serafim Sarovsky or Sergy Radonezhsky is not what we need now. Nowadays leaving people is not necessary, and being with people is more efficient. Other people come into my life and show me what I need to work on. Without them I think that everything is wonderful, I'm a very good person. But then something happens (as simple as somebody trying to buy something before me, without queueing up) and I get angry. Oops, I have to work more on it.

Two very recent moments when I felt something in a monastery were here, in Bulgaria. On 6 Aug we went to the Rila monastery, in the Rila mountains, a 2 hours drive from Sofia, the capital of Bulgaria. It happened to be a special day there, as that day some representatives of the Church and lay people had finished their pilgrim walk from Sofia, and the hallows of St.Ivan of Rila were open to the public. A lot of people lined up to kiss the glass behind which the relics were lying, and pray and ask St.Ivan for help. Personally, I find it very important, and when I have an opportunity I do come up and pray before the relics of a great saint person. That time it was something very special. While waiting in the queue I had 3 things in mind, but when it was my turn somehow I remembered only 2, one of them being constant judging, of which I really wish to get rid of, to let go of. I had maybe 20 seconds, but it was enough. I started crying immediately and went to a more remote place of the church to hmm enjoy the process. I felt a partial relief. Ask and it is given. Another layer of negativity cleansed.

On 8 Aug we went to a convent in Arbanasi, a village some 5 km from Veliko Tarnovo, a former capital of Bulgaria. There's an icon of Madonna and Jesus which is considered to be wonderworking by many (although oficially it is not, and 3 other icons in Bulgaria are recognised by the Church). That day I had some strong fears about certain issues and I felt my spine, neck and back side of my skull almost paralysed by fear. I had enough time in front of the icon and I felt immediate connection and a visualisation came to me. As if the icon or Madonna was connected to my main chakras and in my mind's eye I saw lines of differect colours, each line connecting the icon with one of my main chakras.

I would really like to live, for some time, in a country or region where Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism or the like has once been or is now the dominant religious tradition. My trip to Thailand in March 2010, with a number of temple and cave visits was a wonderful experience, but too short. Brought up in the Orthodox Christian tradition but in a communist and post-communism country, I remain away from any Church, but highly curious about different beliefs and practices.

Ah, I found a word for my views. Unitarianism, "an open-minded and individualistic approach to religion that gives scope for a very wide range of beliefs and doubts".