Monasteries, churches, temples and other sacred places in my life

When I was about 11-12 I thought it would be right for me to go into convent later on. I don't remember my reasons. I guess I wasn't a child when I was supposed to be one. I was a little adult, way too serious and thoughtful. (And I tried being a child when I was in my early twenties =) ) At the same age of 11-12 and throughout all my adolescence, I would, from time to time, not very often, but regularly, go back to one thought and relish it. That thought was to give the world some time without ailments, illnesses and diseases, sorrows and other types of physical and psycholigical discomfort by sacrificing myself, by letting aaall types of discomfort come and concentrate in my body instead of spreading around the world; like being a second Jesus. When several years ago I came to understand the power of thought I was scared! Oh my, I'd had so many destructive thoughts in my baggage, but I think they won't affect me if I don't return to them consistently again.

There's no religion on Earth now, that I'm aware of, whose convent I would go into now. But the idea of real aid in boosting one's spiritual evolution by forsaking the vanities of the world, leaving the mundane and becoming a hermit rests somewhere deep in my mind and sometimes comes up to the surface. On the other hand, the world is constantly changing and maybe what was good for Serafim Sarovsky or Sergy Radonezhsky is not what we need now. Nowadays leaving people is not necessary, and being with people is more efficient. Other people come into my life and show me what I need to work on. Without them I think that everything is wonderful, I'm a very good person. But then something happens (as simple as somebody trying to buy something before me, without queueing up) and I get angry. Oops, I have to work more on it.

Two very recent moments when I felt something in a monastery were here, in Bulgaria. On 6 Aug we went to the Rila monastery, in the Rila mountains, a 2 hours drive from Sofia, the capital of Bulgaria. It happened to be a special day there, as that day some representatives of the Church and lay people had finished their pilgrim walk from Sofia, and the hallows of St.Ivan of Rila were open to the public. A lot of people lined up to kiss the glass behind which the relics were lying, and pray and ask St.Ivan for help. Personally, I find it very important, and when I have an opportunity I do come up and pray before the relics of a great saint person. That time it was something very special. While waiting in the queue I had 3 things in mind, but when it was my turn somehow I remembered only 2, one of them being constant judging, of which I really wish to get rid of, to let go of. I had maybe 20 seconds, but it was enough. I started crying immediately and went to a more remote place of the church to hmm enjoy the process. I felt a partial relief. Ask and it is given. Another layer of negativity cleansed.

On 8 Aug we went to a convent in Arbanasi, a village some 5 km from Veliko Tarnovo, a former capital of Bulgaria. There's an icon of Madonna and Jesus which is considered to be wonderworking by many (although oficially it is not, and 3 other icons in Bulgaria are recognised by the Church). That day I had some strong fears about certain issues and I felt my spine, neck and back side of my skull almost paralysed by fear. I had enough time in front of the icon and I felt immediate connection and a visualisation came to me. As if the icon or Madonna was connected to my main chakras and in my mind's eye I saw lines of differect colours, each line connecting the icon with one of my main chakras.

I would really like to live, for some time, in a country or region where Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism or the like has once been or is now the dominant religious tradition. My trip to Thailand in March 2010, with a number of temple and cave visits was a wonderful experience, but too short. Brought up in the Orthodox Christian tradition but in a communist and post-communism country, I remain away from any Church, but highly curious about different beliefs and practices.

Ah, I found a word for my views. Unitarianism, "an open-minded and individualistic approach to religion that gives scope for a very wide range of beliefs and doubts".

My 1st post in 2010

~ С Рождеством Христовым!

~ I got hooked on buckwheat sprouts. Yesterday I had no (raw) buckwheat left and ordered some on the web. Today I went to meet one of the assistants of that online store www.i-mne.com and while I was texting him on my way my fingers felt really cold - the first time this winter, finally! And it's only -15C.

~ I was given a CD of Rapid Portuguese Earworms (Musical Brain Trainer) as a present, tried it and couldn't listen to it. My reaction to music has changed a lot, and there are many examples (pieces of music, genres) I can't stand. I start feeling uncomfortable, and if the music doesn't stop - then really bad (emotionally). An unexpected thought came to my mind: we must have a right to quietness! And I'm not talking about housing areas from 23 to 7 (Moscow law)! But near the majority of Moscow metro stations one can hear several songs of different genres, usually very loud, and there are no rules about it, and nobody seems to care. I never cared, until now...

Russian Frost

It's the third day of real winter here in Moscow, snowy and rather cold. -23C in the afternoon going down to -28C at night. But neither my hands, feet nor my nose feels cold, and this is amazing! I remember very well our trip to the Vologda and Kostroma regions last January. It was -17-20C, and my hands and feet were cold in a minute or two, although I was wearing both gloves and mittens. It didn't help. These days I'm wearing rather thin gloves and it's absolutely enough for me.

It was a busy day. Used the underground many times, walked some 20 minutes to my aunt's workplace, talked to her for 5 minutes, then 20 minutes walking back to the metro station, 5 minutes on the metro, 15 minutes walking etc. And let me remind you, it was -23C...

I've just talked to my mum about my new perception, and she said she was going to tell me the same thing! Her nose used to get red very quickly, but not this winter. And both of us, we were enjoying every moment of walking in the street.

It must be the result of the blood vessels cleansing thanks to fruit and green vegetables during the last year, at least I don't see any other reason. Anyway, I like it!

December

~My list is growing less:

parsley !!! (some 200-300 g a day)

bananas !!

tangerines !

avocado!!

dill

green onion

garlic

lemon (juice)

coriander

green lettuce (4 different types)

pomegranate

dried apricot

sprouts

apples: would love to find some nonwaxed apples, but with this frost I go shopping to the supermarkets only

~

water-water-water

~

Ekadashi

~

Went to that yoga centre and found out the prices and timetable. There is something for me there!

~

14/12/10 -16-20C, but I wasn't cold!!! Dressed properly, of course, but even my nose didn't feel cold... This real winter is going to last a week or so. He-he

~My second birthday with my raw foodism ideas. I'm more tolerant than a year ago. Last year it was friends at my place with only raw food (salads etc.), this time it was in a café, I invited them to fresh juice (it was a must :D ) and to whatever they would choose. The only exception was alcohol.

~Parcel from Uzbekistan received (dried apricots, almonds in shells)

~I'm more sensitive to noises and music. In my everyday metro journeys a pair of good headphones Sennheiser is an absolutely necessary thing due to the fact that I really need noise insulation... It's all too loud for me. Even at the cinema! o_O Among all the pieces of music I've got my preferences currently lie in music for the piano and/or symphony orchestra.

~There's a new yoga place not far from where I live! Want to pass by and learn the prices and timetable.

Music/ Dreams / Fast / Diet

I've been to a concert where my classmate Tatyana Kolesova was a soloist. She played the famous Tchaikovsky's Concerto no.1. The other hour it was Dvorak's cello Concerto, and it's the first time I've heard a cello solo not recorded. At first I didn't like it, but after some 5 minutes I felt something in the stomach area - the area which I perceive as the solar plexus chakra and which is the part of my body that gives me signals when I visit a sacred place. And there was a moment when I felt tears in my eyes... Who could tell me a couple of years ago I would enjoy classical music??? Well, I liked several pieces of music like Grieg's Morning mood but I wouldn't digest a classical music concert. "For the times they're a-changing", and I'm changing, too. (btw, I love this version of Bob Dylan's song)

I haven't learnt to meditate, not yet, can't organise, can't concentrate. But the images I already receive/see when I close my eyes while listening to some quiet and/or harmonious music or thinking good positive thoughts, - these images are great. Sometimes I can direct the stories, but usually I'm just passively watching and enjoying them. Sometimes they are full of colours, sometimes there are only a few colours, very seldom I see it in brownish&greyish&whitish. Usually the speed of actions is the same as I'm used to, ie not very high, but once in a while I receive images that alternate extremely quickly. Sometimes a new understanding of familiar ideas comes to me during this cartoon-watching experience.

My dreams are a bit different now. Sometimes when I wake up I physically, with my skin, feel what I was doing in the dream, for example hugging. It kind of surprises and puzzles me but for now I like it. =)

I can't fast more than one day :( The second day I feel too bad in the morning and a classical remedy glass of water doesn't help. But drinking 2-3 litres of schungite water a day is no longer a problem!

I tried eating a lot of nuts in the evening (mainly cashews that I ordered from London and pistachios, a bit of hazelnuts and walnuts) and yes, you can gain weight eating raw!!! (the question is Do you want to?)

99% of what I've been eating recently is:

-different sorts of apples (!!!)

-grapes (!!!)

-dried apricot halves (!!) (finally found a good supplier, untreated apricots)

-cabbage (!)

-carrots

-dill (!)

-parsley (!!!)

-green onion (!)

-melons (!)

-pomegranates (!)

-tomatoes

-cucumbers

-nuts

-lettuce

-persimmon (last year this month I was eating tonnes of persimmons, this year I've had maybe 5 pieces...)

Buckwheat, wheat, chickpea are bought for sprouting in winter.

One of my favourite countries

*I'm about to finish the book by Kapten, it's very good, with good overview and practical advice.

*Tried Turkish bananas, they are very good, sweet, but not mawkish.


Ate watermelon, figs, nectarines and peaches.


Not raw: ate Haydari (yoghurt with garlic dip) with warm Turkish bread right from the oven and felt really bad afterwards - no, not for me.

*Drank a lot of fresh orange juice, tried a mix watermelon-melon-apple-orange (or smth like this, tastes strange), tried melon juice (didn't like it)


*Enjoyed very warm waters of the east-Mediterranean and the wonderful air. Visited the Damlataş cave with the idea to breathe that special air (they say it's good for the lungs).

Breatharians Baranova and Jasmuheen

Why not Economics any longer

Listen to yourself. What is it what you really want to do in life? Not those goals imposed by the society or even very caring relatives. I'm still struggling with my mum, she has her own vision of my life, she still thinks I belong to her when I can belong to myself only. My university mates are buying flats in Moscow and good Japanese cars, and my mum wants me to make a lot of money as well. But my view of the world is different, I don't want to be striving for money all my life, I am grateful to and for what I have now.
Do I want to be an office rat? Work long hours inside concrete buildings with poor ventilation stare at a PC? Or work for a company that is one of the leaders in doing harm to the Earth? No. The first step is to realise what I don't want. Done. The next step is to realise what I do want. I started to move in this direction. I believe that doing something with languages (translating, teaching) will minimise my own negative impact on the environment.
There're many books by those who realised 1) how beautiful the world is 2)that we human beings are (supposed to be) its co-creators 3) that abundance is here, we must only see it 4) that the power of our thoughts is limitless, and dreams&wishes do come true, with a lag in time 5) that love and gratitude do miracles 6) that giving (love) is better than taking (love) 7) that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience but spiritual beings having a human experience, etc etc etc ........ Many authors are of the late XXth century, still alive and writing more. Many cite Bhagavad Gita, the Torah, the Bible, the Qur'an. Many cite other modern authors, usually healers, naturopats, psychologists. I've read quite a few. Many books are very interesting, well-structured and the ideas are so simple and I've heard them so many times, that it's surprising how come I've never really processed, so to say, those thoughts myself.
It takes time and effort to become aware of the negativism of our thoughts, the many stereotypes we automatically absorb while growing up. But once you start tidying up your mind :) you find it very exciting! You gain that independence in thoughts that many of us really dream of. In my life only the last couple of years brought me this new perception of myself, so I am quite new to this self-improvement field. But those several gleams I've had so far were really amazing! I absolutely agree with somebody who said that if you recall only one prayer a day let it be "thank you". Being grateful not only in words, but really feeling it is a marvellous inner experience which opens doors to abundance in the physical facet of our world as well.
Economics is about decisions on allocation of limited resources. In Microeconomía by Michael Parkin (I have a Spanish edition) I read: "Todas las preguntas de la economía surgen de un hecho sencillo e ineludible: no siempre se puede obtener lo que uno quiere. Vivimos en un mundo de escasez". And this is exactly the idea I don't support any more. The universe has everything a human being might need, and it's a matter of time to receive it (let's not think of what time is for now). How much time is needed depends on the person's qualities, openness to the abundance etc. But beware! Be careful in wishing something! You will get it, and what will you do then? ;)

July

Busy again. From early morning till quite late at night with several free hours at noon. Sleep about 5 hours a night, not enough for me. Move a lot, by mainly short distances in polluted areas (15 minutes on foot to the closest underground station). Spend a lot of time in metro and in concrete buildings, surrounded by crowds of people or working with people (not with a PC).
The cherry period will come to an end soon so I'm eating as much as I can afford every day. The prices are reasonable at the market, but I don't have time to go there often and have to buy fruit next to metro stations.
Bingo, I drink at least two mugs of water every morning.

June

The entire month of June I was very busy, slept less than I needed, spent almost all my time inside, was nervous because of lack of time - not really a healthy way of life. Strangely enough the monorawfoodism aspect was ok. I ate small portions of fruit and vegetables during the day, so the absolute majority of my meals were fine from the mono perspective. But in the evening I couldn't avoid mixing everything. Now that I'm quite free again I eat a lot again and mix even fruit with vegetables, uff. Drinking water is still a big issue, just can't drink it.

I read one monorawfoodist's diary. He's mono since some 8 months ago and he's tried mixing stuff recently. He says he felt the difference in clarity of his mind although the body reacted ok. As my reasons for rawfoodism are related to both physical and non-physical (spiritual, mental) aspects of life I'm even more convinced to switch to a 100% mono now.

It's the season of sweet cherries now. I'm a big fan of those and taking advantage of good prices at the Preobrazhensky market. 3 kilos of dark, pink and yellow sweet cherries a day? Easily! And with pleasure =)

Linden trees are in their full blossom now. They smell so good that I enjoy my morning walk to the metro station as there are a lot of linden trees on my way.
Good olfaction can cause some inconveniences as too many people smell bad and the air quality in many parts of Moscow is really poor.

Soaps / Sesame / Ekadashi / Mum

Soaps:
I like natural soaps, love to choose them for presents =), but it's not easy to find one without animal fat or glycerin. So I am happy now as a wonderful savon d'argan artisanal came to me as a present from Morocco (soap with argan oil by Coopérative Marjana, à 14 km d'Essaouira sur la route de Marrakech). If you have never tried it you don't know how pleasant a soap can be!

Some recent changes:
The colour of my skin is getting whiter and pinker. I noticed it only today looking at my hands and I really like this change! Since several days ago I have been feeling cold. I know this is usual for many people who just start switching to raw foodism. In my case I felt wonderful in September-October, slept with a fully open window with 13C. But now it's 20C in my apartment, and I am wearing a sweatsuit.

My weight is low but stable (obviously, the BMI shows I am underweight). My mum's weight has changed considerably but gradually and smoothly, minus 10 kg since December (~5 months). She didn't limit the amount of food nor restricted the number of products. Just ate everything she wanted, raw, with a bit of salt, then sea salt, black pepper, some oil; during the last 5 months she had, besides raw food, some thin Armenian pita (лаваш), bread, several times she ate boiled potatoes, braised vegetables, stchi (Russian cabbage soup, щи) and puff pastry patties (слоёные пирожки), some cheese, milk, coffee. It was a drastic change in eating habits for her, but she feels much better with her current food preferences, which makes me happy as well. She perceives it as a temporary diet, but how suitable is the word "temporary" when she is going to keep to it for the coming year for sure? =).

Sesame seeds:
Read they are all treated with some alkalies in order to remove a specific taste of their hull. I don't know if to trust this info, but yesterday I put some seeds to soak to see if they are alive. By now none has started to germinate.

Ekadashi:
Still try to follow it twice a month. Yesterday it was ekadashi, but I did eat, so I am having a dry fasting today, on dvadashi, instead. My mum joined me today.

Grocery shopping / Emotions, habits, traits of character

My monodiet development:
Fruits separately. Sprouts (wheat seeds and mung beans in germination) separately. Vegetables and root crops both separately and mixed, but already minimizing the number of ingredients per "salad". Dill, parsley, green onion, coriander and similar both separately and cut into "salads". Cucumbers, cauliflower, marrows, sweet paprika on their own. Tomatoes with garlic or with radish, or guacamole (tomatoes with avocado, garlic, lemon juice - could be without lemon juice). Korean style carrots.

Bananas: I guess the majority of bananas nowadays are GMO, and when I learned this I even avoided them for a while. But as for now I still do love them, and it's not good to suppress one's wants for a long time =) So I've been buying and tasting every brand I came across. Now I find tasty only one type of bananas, those with Gold Sun Ecuador sticker. I hope to enjoy a lot bananas somewhere in southern Europe when I'm there in late August (if I'm there...)

Tomatoes: I remember the pleasure I got from tasting Turkish tomatoes in Istanbul after my long Dutch experience. It was a drastic change then. Turkish tomatoes sold in Russia are really bad, and the tests by Roszdravnadzor (a governmental agency for health and all kinds of safety issues) show in many tomatoes a very high residual chemicals level, above the standards (but still they are on the market - it's Russia...). These are actually the only tomatoes reported to contain a high residual level of fertilizers on the market. I doubt it, as there are tomatoes from Spain and Holland which don't smell or taste like tomatoes. We avoid them. The tomatoes that taste good are imported from Uzbekistan and Azerbaijan, and the prices range from 150 to 250 RUR now (1 EUR~44 RUR) while other tomatoes cost 100-120 RUR a kilo.

Young garlic: just wonderful. Smells nice, contains much more water than late summer garlic. Yes, it's possible to eat several cloves in a monodiet way =) But usually I squeeze it on tomatoes.

Weekend market: summer is coming and the choice is bigger and bigger, and finally there is radish (it's not common to have radish in winter here, only at some supermarkets, looked at as very "artificial"). They all claim on their price-tags it's from Krasnodar (the most southern region of the RF), and I believed them. The second time I came to buy radish I saw some small Israeli packets with radish beyond the counter lying in the same place where the very big packet with what they called Krasnodar radish. They just opened the small packets and put the radish into the big packets from which they eventually took it to weight for the customers. I don't have anything against produce from Israel (I am not very familiar with it, usually it's not bad, their sun gives it all its love). But I try to minimize my chemicals intake =) so my first choice is produce from the countries of the ex-USSR. When I commented my finding to the seller, she just asked me with a sigh if I was taking that or not. I felt offended and went away. A women at a stall nearby was honest with me and said her radish was from Poland. At another stall radish looked different and I was told that that one yes was from Krasnodar.

Changing the character and my reactions: everything is changing automatically, with all I've been reading and watching. But many of my traits of character and reactions need intentional and deliberate efforts to change, and it's hard. By now I have found the most important issues, not through a meditation, but through a systematic deep contemplation, have written them down and realized that I had never seen them so pronounced in me before nor has my mom. I believe learning oneself is the most interesting thing on Earth (the second interesting thing is exploring Nature). The most destructive emotions and habits are as follows: feeling shame (испытывать чувство стыда), censure (осуждение), envy (зависть), pity/compassion (жалеть, жалость). I know that according to the standard modern paradigm it's good to feel compassion and shame. According to many healers it's not as it is self-destruction on the energetic level which passes on to the physical level (physical health, life in the material world), so the way to improve the energetic level is to change the habit from feeling pity etc. to shedding love to everyone. I believe the healers. Their words are in line with Hinduism and Christianity. But although I understand what to do many of my reactions are changing extremely slow.
I have also started to realize what my fears are. An enormous amount of work is ahead. Every time I learn something new about the world and about me I am happy for a while but then realize that there is even more to know. And the world is getting bigger and bigger! A wonderful sensation!

Closer to the raw mono diet/ On the path to becoming the master of my life

I am starting to move away from making salads and mixing everything. Can eat oranges and tangerines together or avocado with dill and parsley, but already half of the "meals" consists of one type of product.
I am reading the 3rd book out of the 4 on the role of our thoughts and intentions in the creation of our worlds (plural, yes) by Sinelnikov (in RU only). Very similar to transurfing, but less selfish, focused on the idea of the necessity to change oneself in order to change one's world - the same idea as in the Vedic tradition. I think Sinelnikov's books and books on transurfing nicely supplement each other.
Choosing the main goal in life is not easy.
Great changes await.

Dehydration/Water

My condolences to relatives of those who suffered in the earthquakes in central Italy, but here I'd like to comment on just one thing said on tv (Euronews, for example). So I heard some reporters talk about dehydration of those whom the rescue teams helped (are helping and will help) after the first 24 hours. Dehydration after 24-36-48-72 hours? Dios mío, those guys don't know what they are talking about! Now I noticed this disinformation, but just a year ago I would have believed those reporters.
In the modern European society it is uncommon to abstain from food and drink during certain periods. In the Muslim world many people fast in the month of Ramadan abstaining from food, drinks, entertainment etc from dawn to dusk. In the Hindu religion all the manifestations of their divine beings to lay people at a date in the past, all deaths of their holy people etc. are celebrated by a short fasting till midday (not eating, not drinking, no entertainment etc); plus there are 2 ekadashis every month when they don't eat or drink 36 hours (night+day+night). I don't say everybody is following all these traditions, but at least they are familiar with the concept, so everybody knows it's fine not to drink for 36 hours. My personal maximum of abstaining from both food and drink is 3 days (about 72 hours) by now, and I wouldn't use the word dehydration to my condition then. In general it is good to be sure that you can survive several days without food and drink while having enough energy for something apart from staying in bed and it is good to practice this as well.

I haven't drunk water for quite some time. My very old Soviet juicer still works and makes me apple juice every day. Then oranges and cucumbers are very juicy. I believe I must drink water, because making juice is unnatural (no animal can do this), but somehow now I can't make myself drink water. The water I have access to doesn't taste good to me.

Temperature and food today

36.7C in the afternoon.

Melons, oranges, tangerines, chirimoya, bananas, nuts.

Today the wind is just fabulous! I walked in the neighbourhood and enjoyed it! And yesterday at night I walked around the town for about an hour. It's a small town, 20 minutes on foot from the southern border where I live to the centre. The air was very nice at night. But there were no stars unfortunately.