Monasteries, churches, temples and other sacred places in my life

When I was about 11-12 I thought it would be right for me to go into convent later on. I don't remember my reasons. I guess I wasn't a child when I was supposed to be one. I was a little adult, way too serious and thoughtful. (And I tried being a child when I was in my early twenties =) ) At the same age of 11-12 and throughout all my adolescence, I would, from time to time, not very often, but regularly, go back to one thought and relish it. That thought was to give the world some time without ailments, illnesses and diseases, sorrows and other types of physical and psycholigical discomfort by sacrificing myself, by letting aaall types of discomfort come and concentrate in my body instead of spreading around the world; like being a second Jesus. When several years ago I came to understand the power of thought I was scared! Oh my, I'd had so many destructive thoughts in my baggage, but I think they won't affect me if I don't return to them consistently again.

There's no religion on Earth now, that I'm aware of, whose convent I would go into now. But the idea of real aid in boosting one's spiritual evolution by forsaking the vanities of the world, leaving the mundane and becoming a hermit rests somewhere deep in my mind and sometimes comes up to the surface. On the other hand, the world is constantly changing and maybe what was good for Serafim Sarovsky or Sergy Radonezhsky is not what we need now. Nowadays leaving people is not necessary, and being with people is more efficient. Other people come into my life and show me what I need to work on. Without them I think that everything is wonderful, I'm a very good person. But then something happens (as simple as somebody trying to buy something before me, without queueing up) and I get angry. Oops, I have to work more on it.

Two very recent moments when I felt something in a monastery were here, in Bulgaria. On 6 Aug we went to the Rila monastery, in the Rila mountains, a 2 hours drive from Sofia, the capital of Bulgaria. It happened to be a special day there, as that day some representatives of the Church and lay people had finished their pilgrim walk from Sofia, and the hallows of St.Ivan of Rila were open to the public. A lot of people lined up to kiss the glass behind which the relics were lying, and pray and ask St.Ivan for help. Personally, I find it very important, and when I have an opportunity I do come up and pray before the relics of a great saint person. That time it was something very special. While waiting in the queue I had 3 things in mind, but when it was my turn somehow I remembered only 2, one of them being constant judging, of which I really wish to get rid of, to let go of. I had maybe 20 seconds, but it was enough. I started crying immediately and went to a more remote place of the church to hmm enjoy the process. I felt a partial relief. Ask and it is given. Another layer of negativity cleansed.

On 8 Aug we went to a convent in Arbanasi, a village some 5 km from Veliko Tarnovo, a former capital of Bulgaria. There's an icon of Madonna and Jesus which is considered to be wonderworking by many (although oficially it is not, and 3 other icons in Bulgaria are recognised by the Church). That day I had some strong fears about certain issues and I felt my spine, neck and back side of my skull almost paralysed by fear. I had enough time in front of the icon and I felt immediate connection and a visualisation came to me. As if the icon or Madonna was connected to my main chakras and in my mind's eye I saw lines of differect colours, each line connecting the icon with one of my main chakras.

I would really like to live, for some time, in a country or region where Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism or the like has once been or is now the dominant religious tradition. My trip to Thailand in March 2010, with a number of temple and cave visits was a wonderful experience, but too short. Brought up in the Orthodox Christian tradition but in a communist and post-communism country, I remain away from any Church, but highly curious about different beliefs and practices.

Ah, I found a word for my views. Unitarianism, "an open-minded and individualistic approach to religion that gives scope for a very wide range of beliefs and doubts".

March 2010

~After coming back from Thailand I decided to try and continue being fruitarian for some time. My food list is so short right now!

grapes (usually dark)

oranges

tangerines

apples

tomatoes

cucumbers

I know it's all not seasonal in my area and I'm really looking forward to June-July-August-September, when there are cherries, good tomatoes and cucumbers, and peaches, mmm.

I don't think I'm ready to stop eating the greens completely and after just 1 month without them I feel like having some lettuce and dill.

~Since childhood my lungs have been the weakest part of my body, so whatever dis-ease is around, my lungs are affected. From the books by Batmanghelidj I learnt about dehydration and I believed Dr B. So I'm aware of the reason - my water consumption is again very low because all of a sudden I just didn't like the taste. I really hope I'll get used to distilled water.

http://www.watercure.com/

~I came across a great source of knowledge and inspiration on youtube. Starting from here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhDlXhDjjsE It's amazing (well, actually not - everything we need comes at the right time) how my thinking and my view of the world is in line with hers on so many topics. From her I learnt about quantum touch. This is something I'm going to learn!

~I downloaded a film which they say is a good continuation of The Secret. Looking forward to watching it.

~ During the last couple of weeks I walked several times for some 4 hours. At last I walked for more than 1 hour. Good.

~I usually remember to be grateful for everything in my life, I'm working on forgiving, started with myself. Oh, that's so powerful! They say it's a way to clean the emotional body. And I feel changes.

My way to thank the world for the money is basically a mix of Bob Proctor and Jasmuheen's wording. "I am so happy and grateful now that money comes to me readily and easily in increasing quantities, through multiple sources, on a continuous basis, in dollars, euros, pounds, rubles, bahts, francs, yen, pesos etc. Thank you, thank you, thank you".

Stages in diet

omnivore -> ... vegetarian -> strict vegetarian=vegan -> raw foodist -> mono raw foodist -> fruitarian -> liquidarian -> breatharian

In this chain, the diet is getting lighter and lighter.

The body goes through intense cleansing during the raw stages, intuition improves, and it will signal you when you are ready to stop eating, but not before the physical health has been gained.

Where am I in this transition? It's somewhere here: raw foodist -> mono raw foodist -> fruitarian

Food/Thoughts/Interests

~ My current food habits

I eat once or twice a day, but I 1)overeat and 2) I eat very late, after 23, when I come home.

The body needs some rest, it sleeps at night, it doesn't work, thus all that undigested food, no good.

~My current food preferences

bananas !!!

tangerines !!!

parsley !!!

apples !

red pepper

green onion !!!

lettuce

buckwheat

No juice. It's not that I'm against it, no. But somehow I don't need it now.

~ Water: OK, 2 l a day

As I eat in the evening or at night, I can drink water whenever I want during the day, and I do.

~ Bronnikov

*This week, 8.02-12.02.10, I took part in a training to improve my sensitivity to energies, to give an impulse to developing the right side of my brain. It's a very short training, 4 hours a day, 5 days in a row, but even in this very short period I've experienced so much and I'm so grateful for that!

*Of course, I want to be able to see without eyes as can children in the video, to control my energy fields, to heal, but my current abilities are very far from these powers. The other trainees were more sensitive than me in the majority of exercises, my energy channels are seriously blocked :(. I'm happy I started to feel something, but with the help of visualisation while the exercise is on mere feeling. A lot to work on.

~ Physical exercise

I want to do something! Not that I know I should, I want to do it! A qualitative change.

~ Death

*I'm reading a book by Dr. Michael Newton on the life of souls after death of the physical body. He hypnotically regressed his clients to a point between lives--after death, but before birth. He shares the knowledge he got from years of research, i.e. of his hypnotherapy practice, in several books. Maybe they're popular in the US, but it's the first time I've come across them. Very interesting. And one of his patients told him an old but simple truth - the only important thing in this "material" world is our way of life and how we treat each other. Our social status, our circumstances don't matter at all, what matters is compassion and acceptance of others.

*According to the Vedic beliefs, everything natural has a soul - a human; an animal, a reptile etc.; a flower etc.; a stone etc. And depending on the 'sins' and necessities of each soul's development, the next time it's on Earth it chooses the right type of body. Well advanced souls don't return to the Earth. In Buddhism an advanced, enlightened soul frees from the Saṃsāra wheel of suffering (i.e. frees from being born on Earth again). So there's a goal in life - to become enlightened.

I believe in reincarnation, and so Newton's book is lying onto a well-prepared ground =).

~ 2012

I'm really interested in the "mystery of 2012", but I'm not afraid because I share the view about the qualitative change in (human) consciousness and appearance of a new human (the next level of our evolution, so to speak), which actually is a gradual process and is already happening (all the indigo and crystal children, more people awakening etc.). I hope there won't be any planetary alignment-specific natural disasters etc. on our planet, but I like the idea of the survival of people with higher levels of consciousness. Thus, spiritual growth is the path.

~ Animals and animal communication

*My dad read some books by Blavatsky 10-15 years ago, and I read several pages. It was very interesting but hard to understand. Later I was trying to understand the differences between man and animal (in all aspects) and found her essay "Have Animals Souls?". Much later I read different theories/beliefs, and now I believe everybody has soul.

*I've just learnt about animal communicators. It's amazing. The story about horses impressed me a lot. I'd love to be able to communicate with animals!

~ Dreams, sleeping, visualisation

*I've read a lot about the essence of dreams and the potential of using dreaming to change one's life. There're different theories and different ideas on that. Nevertheless many psychologists, psychiatrists, modern brain researchers, astral travellers, healers agree on the fact that something's going on there when we sleep, not just resting.

*Well, the body needs rest, of course. Those who experienced different unfavourable life conditions say hunger and thirst are not comparable with sleep deprivation. My personal record of staying awake is about 36 hours, and I felt really bad then.

*However, there's another important function of sleep. [B]est current hypothesis is that human require sleep to properly accumulate and apply what we learn. We need it to process all the new information we receive during the day. And information isn't just numbers or words, it's virtually everything - sounds/noises, movements, gestures... - all the signals from the world that we notice.

*Many say when you sleep your soul/astral body travels to different places or even different worlds, and one can learn to do it. I've read a book on how to start but I'm afraid to do it without personal assistance and support from somebody experienced. So I leave it for now.

*Then, they say it's the period of time when you can plan your future, receive answers, solve problems. If you want to learn a poem by heart, do it before you go to bed. If you're thinking over a problem all day long, you might get an answer/a solution in your dream or next morning or at one of the many microsleeps we have during the day. It works.

*Recently I've learnt one nice technique - instead of repeating affirmations (which don't work under many conditions) simply make a special why-question out of this affirmation and ask it yourself before falling asleep. For example, I am healthy becomes Why am I healthy? Our subconscious part will find its reasons and as a result you will become healthy with due time. I'm going to practise this one.

*One morning last week I woke up with a clear understanding of how to call myself when I want to communicate with the real I. Olen'ka. That's so sweet =) (it's a pet name for Olga)

*I haven't learnt to meditate yet, but when I close my eyes I start seeing many vivid pictures, one after another, or films or cartoons, in bright colours. I like it very much. But as I learnt at the Bronnikov centre training, there's a problem - I don't usually control it, it just starts. So I'm going to learn to give orders myself and stop it if I don't have a full control.

~ Aims and goals

The importance of having a goal in life has been talked over here and there, but still not everybody understands what he really wants to achieve - it's really hard to hear what your soul wants! I haven't realised what they are by now, but I have invented some nice goals for me =) and I'm happy about that =) But 1) I forget to think about them regularly and don't have a plan of how to achieve them, so the steps I'm taking may not coincide with my optimal path. 2) My goals are in the field of spiritual and physical development, I don't want to think about money while I have to.

get prepared to give birth =)

saint

Возрадуйся, душа 2

Первый раз побывала в церкви на отпевании. Очень понравилось пение и очень не понравились запахи. Я попрощалась с душой Натальи, которая, я уверена, была там же, и очень искренне просила у неё прощения, если я негативно на неё повлияла. Через полчаса после начала мне резко стало плохо физически, с мамой вышли на улицу. Через несколько минут это прошло и мы вернулись в церковь. После окончания я поехала на работу; я шла к метро и искренне благодарила всех и вся за многие вещи (например, Бога за такую красоту на улице и возможность мне видеть и наслаждаться ею), мне было эмоционально хорошо. Через некоторое время заметила, что ощущение груза, эмоциональной тяжести в животе, которое я испытывала с момента, как узнала о её уходе из жизни, исчезло! И сейчас, когда я пишу этот пост, я чувствую, что она меня простила. Мне кажется, что тот момент в церкви, когда мне стало плохо, как-то с этим связан; возможно, именно тогда она забрала у меня эту тяжесть.

Возрадуйся, душа

Только что первый раз в сознательной жизни столкнулась со смертью знакомого человека. Позвонил лучший школьный друг и сказал, что умерла его мама. Она страдала от рака, прошла часть химиотерапии. Но информация о сыроедении и методе Бройса дала ей надежду. Моя мама говорит, она держалась, не то чтобы с ярковыраженным оптимизмом, но не унывала. У неё была уже очень запущенная стадия рака, с серьёзными метостазами в лёгких. И вот в 18 часов сегодня её не стало среди нас. Аминь.

А что со мной? Сколько раз я читала и сама думала, что смерть - это не грустно, наоборот, душа встречается с Богом, испытывает чувство единения, бесконечности, Любви. Значит, и на Земле мы должны радоваться, что душа вернулась домой. Но я не испытываю радости. Пустота. И эмоциональная тяжесть в районе солнечного сплетения. Очень неприятная тяжесть. Хочется сложить руки, как ученики за партой, хочется ладонь держать в районе этой чакры. Когда ладонь убираю, становится тяжелее.

У меня появилось чувство вины. Вдруг, это я приблизила её уход? Вдруг, на химических лекарствах она прожила бы дольше? Я не знаю. Никто не знает, естественно. Другие скажут: "Да и что это за жизнь, когда всё болит?" Но меня эта мысль о возможности моей вины угнетает.

Слушаю мантры, православные молитвы, поставлю классическую музыку. Надеюсь, полегчает. Надеюсь, это только моя первая неправильная реакция, и сейчас я соберусь духом и смогу радоваться за неё и молиться. Я не умею молиться, но теперь есть повод научиться.

8 things to work on

To improve your spirituality (according to Jasmuheen):
1) understand that your thoughts create the reality; programming power of mind
2) meditation
3) prayer (Thank you!)
4) service
5) nature
6) exercise your body (yoga, martial arts...)
7) diet (at least vegetarian)
8) music and singing (only positive lyrics and instruments that don't have a negative impact on cells)

I heard a lot about giving some 10% of income to charity but when I see beggars I don't believe them... And what I heard from Jasmuheen in one of the many videos on the web actually helped me to solve this issue of wanting to give some coins and not believing those who ask for money. Finally I've decided to change 10% of my income to coins and 10-ruble notes and give 10 rubles to each and every beggar and street musician I see till this 10% is finished. It feels good :)

Meditation

Dad gave me a book which is really worth reading. (RU) Рекомендую: познавательно про медитацию в разных религиях на востоке и на западе.
Ю.Л.Каптен, Основы медитации (вводный практический курс). Самара: ИЧП АВС, 1994.-362с.

Breatharians Baranova and Jasmuheen

Jasmuheen (talk) and Kailash (music)

Raw mono... what's next?

They tell me sometimes that I'm being too radical now.
I say no, it's not that radical.
They ask me "what can be more radical?"
Well, what about not needing physical food at all? Living on love/light/prana/...
A couple of links:
link 1
link 2
(in RU)

My current level of spiritual development is far from the one necessary for that. The next at least 2 years my new cells will be replacing the old ones that I got before going raw and you can't receive enough prana before the energy channels widen. You must first be physically healthy, and only then enjoy freedom from food.
Raw mono -> widen channels to receive cosmic energy -> be able to live without physical food

Meditation

I have never tried to meditate, but really want to! I've read and heard so much about the effects and importance of meditation that now I'm ready to learn. The only similar experience I have had by now were the 5 minutes of relaxation at the end of yoga classes, and I liked it.
They say it's easy, but something doesn't let me chase away the thoughts. I'll be trying to quieten my mind and reach that feeling of oneness.

Not about food

A couple of weeks ago I noticed that I didn't feel the need to talk about food any more. I don't initiate a conversation on "healthy lifestyles". Despite being absolutely sure about the necessity of switching to raw diet when fighting cancer, among other things, I don't promote raw foodism. It's actually quite hard to stay calm and not to react sometimes, because one of the people with cancer I know is mom of my best school friend, and at the same time my mom's good acquaintances are orthodox doctors who work with cancer patients every day and try to help them with chemotherapy. I don't even start talking about my views on cancer and treatment and what human beings shouldn't consume with them as they wouldn't want to see me or my mom again after that. I do answer questions though.
So food is not an issue any more. I think I got used to this diet =) although still only on my way to proper mono raw diet + drinking water. I'd need a couple of years of that way of life to see my physical body and health improve.
Now I'm focused on the part of myself which is not the physical body. I can't find the right words for it. It's not "psychic", it's not "soul", it's not "thoughts"... Non-material part of me, maybe?
One author who influences me most now is Wayne Dyer. Many of the ideas similar to those he touches upon or discusses in his books are not new to me, but somehow I tend to forget them and need to be reminded time and again. I am grateful to him =)

Why not Economics any longer

Listen to yourself. What is it what you really want to do in life? Not those goals imposed by the society or even very caring relatives. I'm still struggling with my mum, she has her own vision of my life, she still thinks I belong to her when I can belong to myself only. My university mates are buying flats in Moscow and good Japanese cars, and my mum wants me to make a lot of money as well. But my view of the world is different, I don't want to be striving for money all my life, I am grateful to and for what I have now.
Do I want to be an office rat? Work long hours inside concrete buildings with poor ventilation stare at a PC? Or work for a company that is one of the leaders in doing harm to the Earth? No. The first step is to realise what I don't want. Done. The next step is to realise what I do want. I started to move in this direction. I believe that doing something with languages (translating, teaching) will minimise my own negative impact on the environment.
There're many books by those who realised 1) how beautiful the world is 2)that we human beings are (supposed to be) its co-creators 3) that abundance is here, we must only see it 4) that the power of our thoughts is limitless, and dreams&wishes do come true, with a lag in time 5) that love and gratitude do miracles 6) that giving (love) is better than taking (love) 7) that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience but spiritual beings having a human experience, etc etc etc ........ Many authors are of the late XXth century, still alive and writing more. Many cite Bhagavad Gita, the Torah, the Bible, the Qur'an. Many cite other modern authors, usually healers, naturopats, psychologists. I've read quite a few. Many books are very interesting, well-structured and the ideas are so simple and I've heard them so many times, that it's surprising how come I've never really processed, so to say, those thoughts myself.
It takes time and effort to become aware of the negativism of our thoughts, the many stereotypes we automatically absorb while growing up. But once you start tidying up your mind :) you find it very exciting! You gain that independence in thoughts that many of us really dream of. In my life only the last couple of years brought me this new perception of myself, so I am quite new to this self-improvement field. But those several gleams I've had so far were really amazing! I absolutely agree with somebody who said that if you recall only one prayer a day let it be "thank you". Being grateful not only in words, but really feeling it is a marvellous inner experience which opens doors to abundance in the physical facet of our world as well.
Economics is about decisions on allocation of limited resources. In Microeconomía by Michael Parkin (I have a Spanish edition) I read: "Todas las preguntas de la economía surgen de un hecho sencillo e ineludible: no siempre se puede obtener lo que uno quiere. Vivimos en un mundo de escasez". And this is exactly the idea I don't support any more. The universe has everything a human being might need, and it's a matter of time to receive it (let's not think of what time is for now). How much time is needed depends on the person's qualities, openness to the abundance etc. But beware! Be careful in wishing something! You will get it, and what will you do then? ;)

Hatha Yoga etc.

It's amazing how many different things are stored in my flat! Recently I've found a copy of somebody's experience with Hatha Yoga physical exercises and breathing techniques typed on an old typing machine with some paragraphs marked with a pen. My granny had a typewriter, and I remember her using it in my childhood. I don't know if she ever followed the advice from that copy telling us about how the life of a 60-year-old Soviet man, chronically ill, changed when he started to practice several simple physical and breathing exercises every morning, in combination with tempering and using the power of intention. This story dates back to the middle of the XXth century. And by now nothing has improved in this field. Vice verse, in general people are much farther from Nature than 60 years ago.

No physical exercises in my life now, tempering is somehow neglected... I am focused on forming my intentions the right way, attempting to work with my subconscious consciously; water&infusion&juice fasting; eating products separately; not overeating; understanding the non-physical roots of my physical ailments; rethinking my life. It occupies me fully.

I, me, mine and OM

I don't know how to produce the right OM (AUM) sound. I have never tried to meditate. I have never tried to fully concentrate on something... and don't know how to start!!!
So as I can't produce that sound, I want to hear it at least. But who makes it the right way??? Ufff. Nevertheless, I listen to what sounds lovely to me. These are several mantras (Well, Christian prayers end with 'AMEN', but Christians lost the understanding of the power, meaning and origin of this word and don't pronounce it correctly).
I love this mantra interpretation and this commercial version. Deva Premal has a sweet voice.

My world cares about me

Yesterday I was in one Turkish shop buying small cucumbers. I saw a pack of beautiful green onion that I really wanted to enjoy in my evening salad and hoped I would have enough money to buy it as well. But bij de kassa it turned out that no, I needed 60 more cents. I was about to put the onion back, but the old man behind the counter said it's fine, I could bring 60 cents the next day =)
And this is what I did today.

On Tuesday the weather was terrible for riding a bike and I didn't want to go out but at the same time I didn't want to skip the yoga class at 20.30. At ~18:30 I received an e-mail from the teacher apologizing for the short notice, but the class was canceled due to some unfinished works in the house where we rent a specially equipped room for yoga. So I stayed at home.

Thank you, my world!

Something on the basis of my raw foodism

The main aim of my switching to raw food is related to my intention to seriously change my life. It's my wish to feel what the real physical health is. It's my wish to be the owner of my life. Также это моё желание вернуться к первоистокам, to be closer to Mother Nature. To be closer to the 'religion' that was on Earth before the Vedic religion considered the most ancient one we know about now, i.e. to the perception of oneself as God's child, the feeling of a small particle of God in one's own heart, the idea that one's purpose in life is co-creation, together with our heavenly Father. And it's my wish to be free from the husk, stereotypes, marketing, prejudices and so on of the modern civilization. All in all, Harmony is the key word.
All these phrases would seem very strange and suspicious to the Western-type people who are generally very material-oriented, leaving out the spiritual part of self, atheists or superficially religious. It's where I have come to by now in my search of happiness =)
My perception of the world and myself and my understanding of life are based on many ideas from different books and my own experience. Among the books the most influential for me are the Bible, especially history of its translation into modern languages; the Essene Gospel of Peace not recognized by the official Churches; books by Vladimir Megre about Anastasia (RU); Transurfing by Vadim Zeland (RU, EN);
an essay "The first step" by Tolstoy (RU) (excerpt from it in EN); not a book, but lectures on the Vedas by Vedic knowledge and Hinduism popularizers (RU).

In order to change one's life it's necessary to possess a lot of free energy that can be used to create the powerful images of one's own reality. Raw food gives this energy and doesn't require a lot of energy of the body for digesting.

Update:
As of 22 March 2009, I find every time less influence of the Vedic knowledge and traditions on me. I don't feel this is the knowledge I need or the true knowledge. The only things I took from there are ekadashi and respect of every creature. (I would say, trying to respect: still kill mosquitoes though...)

Агент 108 - Мой сосед кришнаит (RU)

I am not a Hindu, but I like this song and the video:

"My neighbour Krishnaite" by Agent 108